This house, it crushes my spirit

Ok. So. It's Monday, boo on that. Although....it's not like normal Mondays. I'm not overwhelmingly busy, and no one has pissed me off yet. Well, I take that back. On the way to work, some stupid girl almost side swiped me. It's ok though, because she didn't. And I'm over it. All in all, today has been good so far.

I had a breakdown last night. I think it may have freaked Bryan out. It's not the first one I've had, but last night was just so random. We were sitting in bed watching movies, and I just started bawling. I can't even explain my own behavior, how sad is that? I think I have a vague idea what it might be though....

I'm not happy with myself. AT ALL. I look in the mirror, and I don't see the person I want to be. And it's not just physical appearances. Inside, I'm not the person I should/could be. I get angry sometimes, over nothing. I'm negative about myself, and sometimes about others. I have ZERO self-confidence, which is new for me. I have always had a pretty healthy self image, and it's gone. It went bye-bye. No matter how hard I try to see the good in me, I just can't. It ain't happenin'.

So this is what I have proposed to do. First, I am going to start eating healthier. I know that I have "supposedly" been on WW, but I have been cheating. So in turn, I haven't been losing any weight. I'm going to start USING the tools that WW gives me, and counting my points so I can be successful like I was the last time I was on WW. Bryan and I are going to Ohio in December to see his family, and I do NOT want to be a whale when I meet them for the first time. Second, I'm going to make the gym a priority instead of an option. Working out has helped in making me feel slightly better about myself, so I think it's something I definitely need. Third, I'm going to start having a more positive outlook. There's this quote, and it's cliche and corny but at the same time, sooooo true.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." As long as I think I'm great, no one can convince me otherwise. It's time for me to focus on ME. And focus on the people in my life who make me happy. Another thing I think I need to do is figure out what all of this stems from. I think I have a pretty good idea, but that deserves it's own blog entry. haha. Happy Monday everyone! :)