Life's a dance, you learn as you go

Gosh. Haven't posted in awhile. A LOT has been going on in my life. It's almost too much to even make sense of...overwhelming, if you will.

I found out my parents have both been doing cocaine for the past three years. I think the worst part of that though, was finding it out through my 16 year old brother. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to them. They don't listen to reason and they are NEVER wrong, nor are they ever DOING anything wrong. I know that if I were to confront them about it, they would deny it and make me look like the bad person for EVER accusing them of doing something like that. I kind of suspected that they were doing it, because about three years ago, I was living back at home, and my mom comes downstairs and I'm watching tv, and she's crying and asking me to call 911 because she can't breathe and her heart is beating really fast...so I call them. They show up and they are asking her all these questions. They asked her if she had used any drugs, and I heard her tell them she had snorted cocaine the night before. She promised it was the first and last time she would ever do it. Apparently...she never stopped. My whole family is falling apart at the seams and I have no idea how to make it right. On one hand, I don't care because I lost respect for my parents a LONG time ago. I'm completely fine with never speaking to them again or having any kind of relationship with them. I just worry about my little brothers. I don't know how to help them.

I worry about my mom the most. I did have a relationship with her, a long time ago. I miss it. I miss who she used to be. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch your mother piss her life away. She used to be the strongest, most beautiful woman I knew. She's not that person anymore. She's sad, depressed, lonely, a hypochondriac, a loser, a drug user, a TERRIBLE mother, selfish...

There's not a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I'm going to get a phone call saying she's gone. I dread that day, but I fear that it's not too far away.

I must have done something right, to get to stare at you everyday

I just learned that our office is closing early tomorrow at 1. This makes my heart happy. So I have a half-day tomorrow and Friday off. WHOO!!!!!!!!! Still don't have plans for the 4th, but hell, just having some time off will be plenty for me. I have no money anyway, so it's not like I could really go somewhere. Before all that crap happened with Jennifer, I was planning on spending the 4th with her and her dad. That's not going to happen now. And I'm actually kind of relieved. I miss my friendship with her from time to time, but overall, I feel so much better. You know, I thought I knew her, and then this whole thing just brought to light who she really is. It was eye-opening to say the least, and it shows who you're true friends are. Eventually, we talked everything out and got it sorted, but it will never be the same, and I am surprisingly ok with not talking to her anymore. I thought it would hurt, but it doesn't.

Blah....don't have much to write about today. I'm just super duper tired. ugh.

Love can be a shelter, but it can be a storm.

Thank GOD for a 4 day week this week. I don't think I could handle 5 days right now. Thing is, I have ZERO plans for this weekend, and it's 4th of July weekend. Yeah, I know....loser. But I barely have a relationship with my parents at this point, and even if they were doing something, I wouldn't want to be a part of it. And if I'm not mistaken, Bryan works Friday and Saturday, which limits us to Sunday...and there's not going to be much going on on Sunday, I'm sure. Blahhhh...I can't wait until he starts this new job. We will have so much more time together. I think the only thing we will be doing on Friday is going to see the fireworks.

Where is Sheena with my breakfast tacos?!?! I'm STARVING over here. :)